My Story
Trigger warning: mention of some sensitive subjects in regards to trauma, struggling with mental health and body image.
At a very young age, I went through multiple traumatic experiences that led to an eating disorder; a whole other story for another time. These events caused me to question my self-worth and what I felt like I deserved. I went into a depressive state, where I felt like I didn't deserve to live which caused me to stop eating food. I only ever ate, when I couldn't stand avoiding food any longer at the end of the day. I didn't have family or friends that cared about what was happening to me.
Months later when I finally wanted to put in effort to feel better, I didn't even know where to start. I was just a kid at the age of 13. Before the trauma, I was a healthy 115lbs and active in sports/hobbies. After several months of starvation, I was only 68lbs... I remember looking in the mirror the morning I decided to get better and thinking to myself, "God, I look disgusting. What happened to me?"
From there, I began trying to figure out how to become healthier. The only problem was that back then "healthy" was restricting your calories and doing "toning" exercises. I didn't even know what calories were. So, for quite a while, I wasn't making any progress, because I still wasn't eating right. Everything I found online for years was so toxic and unhealthy for a young girl to be reading.
Two years later, I stumbled across a body building website through Pinterest (at this point I was obsessed with changing my body). I was shocked to see women on there lifting weights and how they didn't look "manly" or gross. I started printing out every workout I could find and doing as much as I could at home. Again, as a child, I still didn't understand what "healthy" was. I was working out multiple times a day while not eating nearly enough to keep up with everything I was putting my body through. I was lightheaded and tired all the time.
It wasn't until I was 17yrs old that I truly began to recover from my eating disorder. I surrounded myself with friends that encouraged me to eat whatever I wanted to and to stop fearing what it could do to my body. That was also the year that I met my husband, Dalton. He made sure I ate as much as I was physically able to every time we were together; let's not forget all the dessert, too! haha
The Beginning of Recovery in 2013
It was hard...
At this point, I had already gained a little bit of weight back, but it still wasn't nearly enough to be considered healthy. In this photo, I was around 85lbs (for reference, I am 4ft 11in in height). Eating as much as my stomach could handle was physically painful; I always had stomach problems, because my body wasn't used to consuming so much food in one sitting.
Tone It Up on YouTube
When I was too busy for a gym membership, I went to YouTube for healthy workout inspiration, where I found Tone It Up. Karena Dawn and Katrina Scott taught me that working out doesn't have to be so serious or miserable. You can have fun with it and find what makes you happy! They also showed me that you can eat food you love without it ruining your fitness goals. Admittedly, I didn't follow their diet plans, because my goal wasn't to tone/lose weight. I let Dalton help me out with that part of my recovery.
Years Later
in this photo, i was about 98lbs
I did a pretty good job from there gaining more weight back. I mostly focused on weight lifting, yoga, and light cardio. My main goal was to teach myself to eat more. It sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth. From what I've gathered talking to others about my eating disorder, I think the only people who truly understand what that is like have been there themselves.
Also, let's ignore the horrible sunburn haha. I'm irish; I was NOT made for the sunlight!
Finding Female GymShark Athletes on Instagram
In 2019, I felt like my progress was at a standstill. I was healthy but not where I wanted to be. I was still struggling to gain muscle. I eventually came across GymShark's Instagram and noticed the women in their photos were all athletes who frequently posted workout routines of their own. I started following multiple trainers on a separate fitness Instagram account I made a while ago for Tone It Up. I made a collage every week of the exercises I wanted to do. My favorite GymShark women to this day that I get workout inspiration from is @lisafiitt @fit.with.iuliu @hannaoeberg @gainsbybrains and @deniceemoberg
My Favorite Workout Routine
I got into the habit of going on short morning runs with Dalton, and then weight lifting in the late afternoon. I get most of my workouts from Lisa Lanceford. I purchased one of her old workout programs a couple of years ago and absolutely love it. I've gained 5lbs in muscle, since I've changed how I schedule my weight lifting exercises. Separating glutes and quads into two days have helped me build much stronger legs. Even with running, I've built muscles I didn't know existed!
Apps that have helped me stay on track
My Fitness Pal
MyFitnessPal is a great app to help you keep track of macros/calories. I use it, when I feel like I haven't been eating enough food, or I'm worried I haven't been getting enough protein in my diet. I know they say that it's unhealthy for someone with a former eating disorder to count calories, but if I don't I usually end up eating too little.
